Deep Yet Clear Water
by Sailor GaOn Donut
Summary: a one-shot on what I think was in Sailor Mercury's mind in PGSM as she was turned evil for a while.


Title:Deep Yet Clear Water

Part: 1

Chapter 1: Deep Yet Clear Water

Crossovers: none, Pure PGSM (live-action Sailor Moon)

Disclaimer: Sailor moon ( ( Bishoujo Sera Senshi Muun) Anime and Manga ),Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon series and the images thereof are the sole property of Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, TOEI, CBC, Bandai, DiC Entertainment, Cloverway, Pioneer, ADV, and all other companies that hold legal rights to the show. The fan fiction author makes no claim of affiliation or contact with any of the above entities. No copyright infringement is intended. This serious little one-shot is intended for the amusement of me, other fans and well… please don't sue me, any of you big companies and people! I have no money to pay all of you! I will remove the fanfic, if anyone official asks me to…

Quote of the day:

It was evil.

Yet I reveled in it.

It disgusted me. I had always thought about it. Why did I fall so easily to the darkness? He blasted me with that blue-purple cloud of darkness and evil. My good self was then kept unconscious within me. I tried to fight back, really… I did. But… it was all for naught. It was all too soon, too late. Soon, that fog made me evil. My goodness was locked away. When I opened my eyes, I had awakened… as a dark angel.

I yelled with all my heart and mind and the power controlled me. I was awash with the euphoria of the dark power… my make up… my transformation was tainted. Inwardly, a part of me was still fighting, but the darkness was strong. It was arrogant, cold and cruel. I wanted it to stop. But somehow, it went on.

I was breathless. Couldn't anyone see that? Why? Why was I so weak? Why couldn't anyone see that I was screaming for help? Why couldn't they see I was falling? I could feel the darkness conquer me. It was crazy… I was so full of hatred. I saw their shock, disbelief and despair.

I saw their agony as I went against them with a sword made of ice. I saw them jerk in surprise as I smirked darkly. I attacked them and showed no mercy. I was fighting it. But all my attempts to be free were stopped. I wanted to shriek in horror. That was not really me…

It was… evil. It was dark… really dark. It was never what I truly wanted. It was a heavy burden on my inner self. I wanted to be rid of it. But somehow I just could not get rid of it. Why did I hold on? Perhaps it was due to the want for power… absolute power. Strange isn't it? Normally one would think a bookworm is mild, meek and good. But I guess knowledge leads to power and in this case the power was corruption.

In my journey for knowledge and friends, I nearly stepped away from the right path for good. Rage, madness and evil pervaded my mind. I was insane. I was lusting for power. I was arrogant and snide. I was a… to put it crudely: I was a bitch. I betrayed them. I had taunted them. I hurt them I also hurt other people. I nearly destroyed my goodness. I nearly went insane.

Was I too lost to be saved? I often wondered. My actions were not mine to control. Where was my salvation? I nearly lost my reasons for living. I nearly forgot the reasons. I lost sight of it all. I could not see what anchored me to the world. I nearly gave in… I wondered if I was unforgivable. I wondered if I was on the edge or over it. I was smiling evilly outside but inside, I was rotting. I was dying. I tried to kill the pain, but it nearly drowned me. My injured soul screamed for the salvation of death. I was screaming…

My outer self did not want to be saved. She claimed to be able to save herself. But in truth, she was a maniac. She was bent on destroying everything I held dear. I was crying all the time. I was despairing. I was lost in a real and unreal world. I could feel her hold me down. I was losing. I was losing the fight and my hope. Was I doomed? I had frequently and silently … wondered.

I was going under. I tried to will the pain away. It did not go away. If only I was stronger. If only I could fight with the determination of a hundred warriors. It was maddening. I was blinded by tears. My soul cried for deliverance. My mind wondered if my request would be denied. I couldn't trust myself anymore. I didn't want anyone to turn away.

I wanted to stop falling but I couldn't. I felt like I was falling forever. I was falling into madness. But then… it happened. She came to save me. She came to remind me of our friendship, bonds and hope. She erased my agony and despair. She helped me to find myself again. She was and is my princess, a sailor senshi and a great friend. She fought me, hesitantly.

The dark side in me… thought that to be weakness. But now, I see things clearly now. She never wanted to fight me. She merely wanted me to be normal again. She wanted to have our happy days back. I was an angel of light. I had been a dark angel once. I had done so many horrible things…

But still, she had the greatest gift of all. She forgave me. She loved me with all the power and determination of an extremely loyal friend. Usagi, my first and greatest friend, she purified me with her love and loyalty. She was determined, while I had nearly given in. for saving me, I feel grateful. But I still feel that she forgave me too easily. I had done evil, wrong things… terrible things. I was guilty. But she understood and somehow got me to let go.

She did one thing I could not do. I could never forgive myself. But she forgave me. I… I felt regret yet she forgave me. Why did she forgive me so easily? I was contemptible yet… I received forgiveness. To me, that is… all I need. With that, I realized that darkness does not last forever… I see the light. I see hope.

It was a blessing. I had the dark power, but I let it go. Her power was great. Then, I was free. The pure white light… it…it washed my guilt away. Her friendship, love and forgiveness are my freedom… freedom from my inner pain; my guilt. The light washed the darkness away. The darkness is gone for good. The light of the Moon set me free. She stopped my fall and agony. Now, I can smile. There is no more madness.

There is a great future in front of me and I will never look back. I will look forward.

I am walking on sunshine now…

I am happy.

Author's notes:

This is a one-shot on what I think was in Sailor Mercury's mind in PGSM as she was turned evil for a while.

I wanted to do this as an exercise to exorcise some demons from my mind. It was also done in an effort to forgive someone who I just can't forgive at the moment. This was meant as a stress-reliever as sorts.

Yeah, that's it.

Inspired by:

Songs:

Angel Of Darkness by: Alex C. & Yasmin K.

The Power by: **H-Blockx**

Hello, Whisper, Going under, Tourniquet and Haunted by: **Evanescence** Walking On Sunshine by: Katrina & The Waves Inspired by Movies:

Anime/ Manga:

Sailor Moon (what can I say? This one is a: duh!)

Naruto (Oddly enough…)

Japanese words:

Senshi= soldier


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